Broken Dreams

It is 12:46 AM and my head is spinning with past trauma of my old guardian and time spent in foster care. so now im here writing about it to get it out of my head and eating Oreo cookies with peanut butter filling, they are great by the way highly recommend them if you love peanut butter and chocolate. ok back to the subject at hand i keep thinking about how i was feeling when i was driven to my first foster care, i was sad and felt like no one wanted me anymore. i was so scared and if i could go back and change it i would have run and never looked back,  i know i cant change it all i can do is tell it how it was and help others open there eyes to the wrong that is done to people like me  far too much. i remember my mother crying and saying that she did not want to have to put me in foster care but that i would not comply with what she told me wich was that i should never talk to Zach again and was constantly lying and attacking Zach and that this was the last option for me. thinking about this makes me so angry. how can you just ship your daughter off to foster care  instead of trying to see eye to eye with her, yes i know i can be stubborn but that do;s not mean im a lost case and something to be thrown away. i feel like that is what was done to me. and i have a right to feel how i feel and i will not apologies what so ever for feeling this way about what happened.

I have a lot more that is on my mind about all that has taken place with me, i don’t understand how you can give the care of your adult child to someone you dont even know nad hope that it all works out. this is what my mother did she gave over gurdiship to Lori mills nd hoped that she could fix me or something like that. well im here to say that is a bunch of crap!. my mother still has no clue what all has happened to me nad she still thinks that she did the right thing, now im not here to bash my mother don’t get me wrong.  I’m writing this to get all this out of my head so that i can sleep tonight.  there is a song that comes to mind as im writing this the song is called skyscraper by demi lovato.   it is a great song and i highly recommend it to any one who feels like becuse of outside influences that their dreams that they see for themselves will not come true.  don’t take no for an answer all he  time and don’t be afrade to ask WHY! it is so important. dont be satasfied with the bare minimum of what you can have  at what you deserve for yourself whatever that may be.

Ok well i have been writing now for almost an hour, time to try to get some sleep.